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09.19.18

Silencing the Overwhelming Stress and Anxiety

Preface: This is an ongoing process, something that you get better at, and hopefully master, over time.

I recently someone asked about suggestions for overcoming stress and anxiety. It’s something most of us typically have dealt with once or twice. What’s unfortunate about it being so common among people is that it’s really not healthy. Stress causes all sorts of negative reactions in the body from inflammation to lowered immunity.

So I’ve come up with five things you can do anytime you’re feeling overwhelmed by stress or anxiety.

Breathing

There’s a reason the apple watch has a breathing app. It’s becauseslowing downis really good for us. And breathing allows that to happen. When you focus on your breathe you can’t focus on whatever is causing the stress in your life. So you can just sit for a few minutes and focus on your breathing, try the Calm app on the app store, or try meditating with the focus on your breathing. Psychology Today outlines a practice I have been using for years called Nadi Shodhana – which you can read more about here.

Take a Break

Take a few moments to go for a walk, get a snack, call a friend, stop your mind from fixating on whatever is overwhelming by just stepping away from it for a moment. Set a timer if you need to, but allow yourself to totally tune into something else, especially something that you find relaxing.

Do Something Fun

Plan something fun! Plan a vacation, a staycation, mini golfing, hiking, anything that’s light hearted and fun. Doing something active will help because the endorphins will help raise your mind and get rid of that stress and anxiety!

Action Plan

Is there an action you can take that will alleviate the stress of anxiety? Sometimes creating a to-do list or a plan of action will allow you to move past the anxiety by accomplishing the task that was causing it in the first place!

Does It Matter

This is the most important thing to think about when feeling overwhelmed or stressed; does it really matter or will it matter in 6 months, 1 year, or five years? This is hard because I feel like if I’m worked up about something then it obviously matters, but if I’m honest with myself, some things don’t matter as much as I make them matter to me. In essence, in those cases I’m causing my own overwhelm! So I ask myself if it will matter in the long run, and usually that helps me get perspective.

What do you do to stop stress or anxiety in it’s tracks?

09.17.18

Change Five Things

You can change your life.

I know, I know, everyone says that. But how can you change your life?! Well, I’ve put some thought into it and I’ve come up with five things you can do right now to change your life. Not 5 epic, huge, big jumps, but 5 practical things you can easily apply right now.

Words

Change the words you use. Use words that are positive and affirming. Think before you speak. Your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, and your actions become your life. So speak the words you want to hear and speak the kindness other people need to hear.

Put Good In

What I mean is, eat good food, think good thoughts, watch good movies, and spend time with good people. Your body is what you feed it; if you eat a moderately healthy diet it benefits your energy levels, your cells, your sleep habits, so many things! This is true of everything you put in, on, and around your body. There’s a reason people talk about “Fresh air”, because good air is good for you! So think about what good you have around you, and where you can do better.

Routine

A little routine every day is really good for your mind and for keeping balance. It can be VERY small; mine little routine is making brushing my teeth the very first thing I do as soon as I get out of bed. It makes me feel ready for the day! So find a little something to add routine to your life, it will help you feel grounded.

Slow down

Stop to smell the roses! Life moves at such a fast pass, if you don’t stop and enjoy it you’ll miss it. What are you rushing for anyway? The things worth doing are worth doing well and that means slowing down to put in the time. So put your phone down for a few minutes, take a walk, call your mother, and go to lunch with that friend you’ve been meaning to grab coffee with. You are not your accomplishments, so don’t make them the sole focus of your life.

Relationships

Invest in relationships with people you care about. When you spend quality time with people it strengthens the bonds between you and allows you to connect. Try deepening relationships with a friend or relative, you will both benefit from it. There have been studies done that show people feel less connected, even though with social media we are more digitally connected than ever, but without actually communicating, seeing each other, or doing an activity together our brains are getting the same in person stimulation that humans crave from community.

09.14.18

Perfection: Friend or Foe?

Perfection will try to stop you.

It’s that voice that whispers, “ if it won’t be perfect what’s the point?” But – what is perfection exactly and why do we even try to strive for that? According to the dictionary, perfection is:

“the condition, state, or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects”

Somethings can be perfect, a computer algorithm, a robot, but you and your creative expression were never meant to be “perfect” because then we would all be the same (see above mention of robot), and where is the joy in every one being just like everyone else?

But here’s what you should keep in mind,that perfection IS ALL IN YOUR MIND. Perfection in humans is subjective. Perfection in art is opinion. There is no one standard that all great masters (or anyone for that matter) agreed upon of what a perfect human looks like, sounds like, acts like, thinks like, and so on. Or a perfect painting, or piece of music, or donut, or

ANYTHING.

Nothing is perfect because then it would be done. If it was done there would be no reason to every create another song, or piece of technology, or to even pursuing anything. There would be no reason to continue the journey, to continue discovering, the perfection is in the imperfection because it allows us to grow.

So, when that little voice tries to stop you by judgmentally saying, “it’s not perfect.” Don’t listen, because it will prevent you from creating your next masterpiece, or trying something new, or setting a new goal, starting a new job, or a million other fun things you could try.

Let it be messy and real, and in that it WILL be beautiful. Don’t let the goal of perfection keep you from playing the game. It ultimately will be perfect in it’s imperfection, because it’s a reflection of you. It’s the unique shine of one diamond from another, the memories built into the patina, it’s the “you” coming through.

09.12.18

Validation – For More Than Just Your Parking Pass

I went to therapy almost every day for a year and I learned a lot.

About myself, about other people, and about interpersonal relationships. One of my favorite things that I learned was the word “validation” and one of the best things I learned was what it meant in regards to what we expect or want from other people.

Validation in regards to interpersonal communication is essentially being acknowledged.

It’s so simple, and yet it’s something we don’t always do for each other. Validating someone’s feelings can prevent an argument, it can reassure someone, it can be so comforting to be validated. It’s what friends do for each other. It’s what parents do for children.

But what if someone won’t validate your feelings?

If someone won’t validate how your feeling it should raise some red flags, and definitely cause you to start evaluating your situation. But here’s a secret, you don’t need that particular someone to validate you. Of course we want to be validated, especially from people we care about, but someone withholding validation from you can be a form of manipulation. So don’t allow that.

And if you do need to be validated, I got you: You’re worthy. You’re worth it. You deserve the best in life. You’ve got this!

Don’t let someone hold their approval or validation of you over your head. You are so much more than that!

09.10.18

Learn to Keep on Learning…and Learning…and Learning

“Education is not the learning of facts, but the training of the mind to think. – Albert Einstein

Neuroplasiticity is the “capacity of neurons and neural networks in the brain to change their connections and behaviour in response to new information, sensory stimulation, development, damage, or dysfunction. Although neural networks also exhibit modularity and carry out specific functions, they retain the capacity to deviate from their usual functions and to reorganize themselves.” – Encyclopedia Britannica

Why do people say, “learn something new every day”? It’s because it keeps you growing. Continuing to grow is SO IMPORTANT because when you stop growing you stop progressing. Have you ever heard the saying, “People stop playing when they grow old.” but maybe it’s actually, “People grow old when they stop playing.” There’s actually science behind this! If you take the playing and think of it as learning, it’s true!

So what do you love to learn? Or what is something you’ve always wanted to try? It’s never too late to start, your brain grows by giving it new information and new positive experiences. Another added benefit of learning new things is enriching your personality and making your story more interesting! Have you always wanted to learn to scuba dive? Or yodel? Learning not only helps your mind, but it can make you a better version of yourself by evolving your thinking, expanding your mind, broadening your perspective, and introducing you to a mindset or a group of people you wouldn’t have met otherwise.

So today, do you think you’re ready to learn something new?

08.17.18

Is Someone Projecting All Over You?

Projecting; is the projection of emotions that exist within an individual onto another individual as a coping mechanism.

This is something people do to others, mostly without meaning to. People use it as a way to avoid confronting something within themselves. Usually feelings, they are uncomfortable with. Unfortunately, the projector person often doesn’t announce to the rest of the world that they are projecting their own issues and insecurities onto everyone else. Which means that often times those projector people are critical and end up hurting others.

Don’t let yourself be falsely labeled by an individual. Just because they are trying to avoid dealing with their own feelings, or because they won’t own their own desires. Projecting can happen in all sorts of ways. There are many examples of this;

Parents living out their own dreams through their children.
Someone who is in a bad relationship telling you your relationship if floundering.
It’s someone with a drug or alcohol problem who accuses anyone who tries to help them of having control issues.

Most of the time the projector doesn’t even see their own behavior. However, that doesn’t mean the rest of us have to blindly allow someone to label us. Just because someone labels you doesn’t make it true.

Before you take someone’s words too heavily, make sure that they aren’t projecting their deep beliefs, fears, and desires, onto you.

Because you are made for so many great things. So much more than just embodying someone else’s fears and problems.

If you’d like to know more about projecting, visit this link about psychological projecting