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06.16.25

Chapter 5 – Sinclaira – Welcome to Everlore

Relief.

The worry, the doubt, the fear that he would think I was losing my mind, dissolved as soon as that gold glow appeared between us. He didn’t just accept what I told him, he understood. He knew. There had been a connection between us from the first moment I saw him. Now it had become something else, something far more intrinsic. We sat there together as the sun was going down, a kaleidoscope of colors out over the water. It was hard to say how much time had passed, probably only an hour or so, but the impact of how much had changed in that short span made time feel strangely flexible. “I need to get back” I heard myself saying, my voice different, the person I had been this morning now irreparably changed. “I’ll walk with you.” James said. It crossed my mind that we may be seen together, and I wasn’t sure I was prepared to explain that, but I didn’t want our time together to end. “Walk with me to the top of the path.” He looked into my eyes, as though he knew what I was thinking, but he didn’t speak. We made our way back up the path again, and everything was different now, especially the way I felt about him. It was instinctual and second nature. Although our hands were not touching, I felt the pull between us. Stronger than ever before. I wanted to reach out to him, wanted our hands to be connected physically, my fingers intertwined with hus, but I fought the urge. We walked in silence, there were no words that could distract me from the intensity of the air around us. The colors around me looked brighter, the air practically sparkling around us. It was so much more vivid, I could feel the energy humming in the space between our bodies.

He walked with me to the very edge, just before it turned into a winding dirt path onto the manor grounds. I didn’t want to explain myself, or James, to anyone, luckily it was dark now. Slowly, James reached out for my hand. As his fingers grazed mine in the softest fleeting touch, the light began again. My heartbeat quickened. His hand only held mine for a fraction of a second, he let go before the intensity rose any higher. He smiled at me and I turned to go, but he kept his eyes locked on mine. I was frozen, looking into those deep green eyes. Familiar from the first time I had seen them. I could feel my fingertips begin to tingle, reigniting the reminder of all we had discovered in the past hour. He stepped back, disappearing into the dark with each footfall. He was swallowed by the rising of the night and then he was out of sight. I stood staring after him feeling a tingling in my hands and the rest of my body. Something had arisen in that moment the golden light began between us. Now it ebbed and flowed within me. A current through my body, a deep river that had always been there, and now I was aware of it. 

As the night went on, the sensation stayed. It had been hours and this new awareness, the ability to feel some kind of energy moving through me, had not disappeared. My life now had two stages, before James and after.

✤✤✤

My life before had been centered on the future that had been racing towards me; life in New York, but without even realizing it, my focus had shifted. Now there was magic, there was James.

Nothing had ever felt so electrifying. The strange occurrences now made sense, except for the dreams and it didn’t seem as though they would be stopping any time soon. Last nights was the worst so far, I had memories, it was the most realistic that I’d experienced. I was looking down from a great height, a stone palace. My palace, I realized as suddenly memories of an entire life flooded into my mind faster than in previous dreams. The walls were ornately carved with beautiful scenes and hieroglyphs, they stretched up to 30 foot ceilings, omens of good fortune and protection. The space was open but dark from the size of the structure; it was protected from the blazing sun by the design which created immense shade. A breeze blew through the hall, massive openings on either end. From where I stood I could see desert stretching out endlessly into the distance. Directly below me, a city stretched out, kissing the desert on its edges. People milled through a marketplace below, with alleys and pathways like mazes weaving a patchwork through the city below. A memory floated up to the surface of my mind; someone was coming. We were expecting some unknown visitors, word had reached us that a large caravan was moving through the desert toward our city. I looked out across the desert again and now I could just make out a plume of dust in the distance; movement. Something big, traveling this way. I wasn’t the only one who spotted the impending visitors, the others around me were also becoming  aware. They watched as they lounged in various places around the room. Pillows, rugs, and low tables created seating areas around the room. Sheer fabric floated in the breeze creating the illusion of privacy through the space. People I knew in this dream life milled about the space. They glanced to me frequently, but no one spoke. I looked back to the growing sand cloud out in the desert. From this vantage point we had the best view to see the size of the group. The buzz of the news was spreading down in the marketplace from one stall to the next. I could guess at the questions from those not in the know, “Were they here to trade?”, “To buy?” The memory of the scout rose back into my mind. He had mentioned Roman armor. Then a new memory, older and less clear, appeared in my mind, one of Roman warriors and famed heroes. Trying to piece too much together began to give me a headache. As I stared into the desert the sun was almost blinding. I tried to shield my eyes but it was so bright my eyes began watering. I squeezed them closed for relief. When I opened my eyes again, I was staring at the sun, but through the white gauzy curtains of my bedroom window in Ireland.

✤✤✤

 “Sinclaira? You look…different…” these were Lily’s words as she stared at me quizzically across the table. I snapped back to the present moment, realizing I had been distracted by the dream, again. “Do I?” I said, with more bite then I intended. There was no reason to be irritable with Lily. She was noticing what I had seen in myself in the mirror this morning. A subtle change. Not anything I could directly name, but something was noticeably different. She analyzed my face for a long moment but she wasn’t able to pinpoint what had changed either. We sat in the dining hall surrounded by other young women all having their own quiet conversations. Lily looked at me over our plates, “Sinclaira, do you ever get tired of all the preparations for New York?” “Yes,” the response was out of my mouth before I even thought about it. Lily and I had always had a strong bond, she could tell that the change in my physical appearance ran much deeper. “You should take a break, let yourself relax.” Lily smiled as she said it knowing it was not like me to take a break. “You’re right, I should, but we both know I won’t.” I smiled back at her. We finished breakfast in companionable silence. Plate empty, she rose from the table, “I’ll be in the garden, if you decide to skip your riding lesson.” she said as she gathered her belongings. I had almost forgotten my lesson. 

As I walked into the stable it was strangely quiet. There was no one around, save for a few stablehands. The first one spotted me and hurried over, “Jaques has been called away to assess a potential new horse for the manor, he sends his apologies Miss.” This was an interesting turn of events. I debated for half a second, I didn’t go riding alone ever, but today I was prepared to go riding and so riding I would go. “If anyone asks for me I’ve gone riding. I’ll saddle Apollo myself today.” From the look on his face I knew the young man thought it was a bad idea and wanted to argue with me, but then he seemed to think better of it, shrugged, and turned back the way he had come. Once he was groomed and saddled I led Apollo outside and mounted up. We walked down the usual path toward the far fields, but once I was out of sight of the barn we set out toward the rolling hills.  The sun was beginning to peek out from behind the clouds. As we trotted along and I could smell the sweet grass of spring in the air. Apollo wanted to run and without an instructor to chase us down, so did I. My new found sense of self was urging me on. With little encouragement Apollo moved easily from a trot to a canter, and then to a full gallop toward the coastline. I could feel the wind rushing through my hair and the salty sea breeze kissing my cheek. I felt more free than a bird released from a cage. We reached the rocky cliffs and he slowed down to carefully find pick a path to the water. We stood on the shore, both of us breathing hard. I didn’t remember a time when I felt more exhilarated. Apollo’s ears twitched. Turning to see what he was listening to, I saw James striding up to us on the creature I had seen through the mist that day. It’s movements were ethereal and the wings I had seen all those weeks ago were now folded tight to its side. “The creature, is yours?” I said to him shock coloring my tone.

✤✤✤

Seeing him up close I now understood why he had looked so incredible in our first encounter.

His coat looked like it was made of the night sky flecked with stars; a black void that pulled the light in and reflected it in subtle glints with every movement. I couldn’t help the smile that was spreading across my face, at seeing the creature again, being formally introduced to him. It was an affirmation of our conversation from the previous night and all that had transpired. I knew his world now, or a fraction of it anyway. “They’re typically reclusive and live away from any other beings, I call him Orianne” James told me, patting the creature’s beautiful body. A smile played on James’ lips, one laced with mischief. How had he known I was out here? There was so much mystery and secrecy to his world, the world I had somehow stumbled upon. I stared at him, and then I urged Apollo forward, racing along the beach, reaching a gallop in a second. I looked back, a laugh building in my throat, but he was already close behind us. He caught up to us easily and held my gaze, that mischievous smile now glinting in his eyes as we galloped along the shore. The air around us was taking on the shimmer effect again, even moving as fast as we were, but his eyes had most of my focus. I could have tried to convince myself that the shimmering air was just the speed we were moving at, but I knew better now. The shimmer was coming from us, from the intensity of the energy between us. I tore my eyes away from his to look where we were going, knowing we were rapidly approaching the old 16th century ruins at the end of the beach. They jutted out into the sea cutting off this stretch of dark sand from the next. James was right beside me as we raced along. The energy continued around us, growing more clear and expanded outwards; now the beach was glittering as well with geometric patterns woven from golden light. As we raced toward the crumbling ruins a shadow curved around the base of the rocks, and the water seemed to be flowing, not crashing. It was an opening. It would be completely submerged at high tide, but now the water was low enough to reveal a cavern. Before last night, I would never have given in to my curiosity, now, I couldn’t stop myself. As we approached the cave both horses slowed to a walk. I could feel his eyes on me and I realized James was giving me a strange look. “What, you didn’t think I would win?” I said to him, laughing. “No, I was sure you could ride at least that well,” and there was a grin on his face that quickly disappeared, “but I didn’t realize you knew about this path”. I didn’t know this path, I’d never been here before, I had let Apollo run without restraint and when we had run out of field, we ended up on the dark beach. Once at the beach I didn’t think of a direction, I just let him run, only thinking of how it felt to be free. But now that I was paying attention, I could feel something drawing me in, something had urged me forward in this direction. Fear grabbed my chest, and I hoped it wasn’t written on my face, but then that glimmer in my just, the one that was like a river of energy within me, compelled me onward, to move towards the tugging sensation.  

As we reached the end of the dark sand below the decrepit castle, we dismounted.

I stepped onto the rocks that curved in toward the shadowy cavern. I let go of Apollo at the edge of the water, the shallow waves lapping at my boots. Peering farther into the cave I couldn’t see much, it was dark and the only light was the reflection of sun from behind me and a small opening at the other end. I hopped lightly to another rock, making my way deeper into the cave. Now I was immersed in the cave. At the other end I could see that what had appeared to be a small opening was actually much larger than I realized, obscured by a heavy mist hanging throughout the cave. Moving along the edge, I was nearing the middle, when James spoke my name, but it sounded like a warning. I glanced back to see real concern on his face, but I ignored it, turning back into the cavern, the glimmer within me pushing me forward, toward something I couldn’t see, only feel. The tugging sensation intensified and the mist was getting thicker. I wanted to see clearly what was on the other side. That’s when I saw what the heavy mist really was. A glistening, iridescent, shield that separated the cave in half. The texture was almost like an oil, slick with slow hypnotic movement and shifting colors. It moved like a film on water, rising all the way to the ceiling of the vast cave. Mesmerized by the magic in front of me, I reached out to touch it without thinking it through. I had to see what it felt like. My hand outstretched, I made contact with the wall, only to find it wasn’t solid at all. A silky feeling glossed over my skin. It was cool and smooth, softer than velvet with a pale pearlescence to it that now covered my hand as well. The newly awakened piece of me urged me forward and I didn’t resist. Just feeling it wasn’t enough, I had to know what was on the other side. My fingers stretched farther through the thin layer, now my arm was through to the other side. It felt like I was holding onto a string from a piano as it was played, I could feel and hear a distant humming coursing through me. I looked at my hand through the veil and the pearl shimmer now decorating my skin. That strange feeling was calling me through the veil, calling to the essence of me that was comfortable with this magic. Without even noticing how he had gotten there, James was suddenly right beside me. I turned to look at him and he was looking back at me with wonder. I smiled at him, and let the new, recently discovered glimmer within me lead and we stepped through the veil together.

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03.29.25

The Golden Promise – Chapter 4

JAMES – Everlore

I had seen it too, and even more than seeing it, I had felt it. The look on her face must have been mirrored on mine. Magic didn’t surprise me, but magic here with her? Yes, that was a surprise. I’d never heard of anything like this happening with a human before, her pull on me was unbelievable, but the feeling when our skin touched was a completely new kind of magic for me.

            It was impressive that she didn’t run screaming from here or go into a state of shock right there, she was human, after all. But now we couldn’t go on pretending. I had been avoiding the truth of our parallel worlds because I wanted to spend more time with her, even though it was forbidden. Maybe more dangerous, I wanted to keep spending time with her. How long could I go on playing with this fire? She had asked me a question, so I didn’t I owe her the truth?  We were still looking at each other, her perfect blue eyes locked on mine. At the risk of pushing her too far and revealing too much, I dove in. “Sinclaira, how much do you know about the legends from this area?” I asked her, hoping she had at least some awareness of Everlore.  Even if it was a flimsy childhood story.  In places where magic existed in a strong way before the barrier, the human stories and legends usually reflected that.  “I’ve heard stories about people seeing…strange things around here.” she hesitated and then before I could speak she added,  “Last night, I found something. A book in the manor’s library,” she hesitated before continuing, ‘full of legends…” There was a question in her gaze, and I knew she was asking as much as she was telling. Words began tumbling out, “James, things have been happening to me.  I’ve been, seeing things…unusual things.” She concluded cryptically, but I was too stunned to speak. What had just happened between us was magic, true magic. She was talking about magic. I slowly nodded, encouraging her to continue, “What kind of things?” I asked. “I’m not sure, but it feels, magical.” she said quietly.  There it was, the truth that was hanging between us. A soft pink color rose to her cheeks.  “And now,” she rubbed her elbow, “what just happened,”  She was talking about a grimoire, magic from my realm. How could this possibly be the case when she was human living in the human realm.  There had been almost no magic in the human world for over a century. I looked into her clear, bright eyes, “Do you believe what you saw?”  As she looked back at me I was hit with a strong wave of that magnetic energy. It was physically pulling me in toward her and I had to consciously keep myself from moving toward her. For a long moment she was silent; considering, but she held my gaze, as though she already knew the truth.  She was deciding whether I was the one she could truly trust.  There was another shift in her energy, as she decided.  She was feeling out the space around her, more in tune with her energy than any human I’d ever seen, but she seemed oblivious to it. “Yes,” she said firmly. A thrill coursed through me. However sure she may appear to be though, telling her more might send her into shock. I had never faced this problem, it was forbidden to interact with humans, and I had already obliterated that rule to spend more time with her. “Do you trust me?” I asked her, and without even a moment of hesitation “yes,” was out of her lips. I could feel that charge in the air around us again, the magic responding to both of us. I took a deep breath and plunged into the deep waters between our worlds. “There is another realm that exists alongside your world, known as Everlore. It’s a realm of magic.” Her expression became hard to read. Her mouth opened and closed, as she tried to form words, but none came. The questions rolled over her face one being overshadowed by the next. She looked as though she wanted to tell me that wasn’t possible, and yet, I could see her grappling with the truth. Then without warning, I felt her tasting the energy around me. Using that sixth sense common in my world, but non-existent here. She seemed unaware of her actions. Oblivious to the fact that she was accessing the magic to feel into the space between us, sampling the feelings, the energies, in the air. “How do you know about it?” she asked me, her eyes narrowing, the air still buzzing. I was momentarily silenced. Stunned. She was using magic. I couldn’t lie to her, I wouldn’t, even if it was against the rules. “It’s my world.” Her eyes took on a strange expression, she was seeing me anew.  This is it, I thought to myself, the moment when she would run, her natural human fear taking over. But she didn’t. Instead, she reached for my hand, her fingers lacing through mine, the glow appeared again. Pure golden light spilling from between our fingers at the point where they met.  It tingled, the sensation of a fine paint brush dancing across my skin, humming, with an energy of its own. “So if I’m the one who sees things that other people don’t, does that mean other humans can’t see you?” Feeling her energy interact with mine was intoxicating. “Typically, yes.” I said working to stay focused.

Time could have stopped. With her fingers intertwined through mine, a strange exchange was happening between her energy and mine. It became hard to tell where she stopped and I began, as though the golden magic swirling around us was melting into liquid and forging the connection between us. She looked up into my eyes and I could have sworn I had known her for a lifetime.

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03.27.25

The Golden Promise – Chapter 3

SINCLAIRA – The Library

The sand was still warm from the scorching sun of the day, I could feel it from the ground, up through my sandals.  A gentle breeze floated over the dunes. The moon was high, illuminating the carved structures around me.  We had been hidden here for thousands of years, tall shrines and markets carved right into these red mountains.  I stood in the shadows of the jagged mountain’s corners and I waited.  Tonight was the night, we would run away.   Finally we would be free together, no longer hiding our love, living in fear of discovery. My heart pulsed through my body. He should be here by now. One moment, then another passed. A sound caught my attention, I could hear someone running. A shadow moved swiftly toward me through the darkness. The only light the stars above. I knew it was him before he reached me. He grabbed my hands and held them in his. “You have to go.” No, we were going together. “I have been discovered, they are already after me, they know we were together. We both cannot outrun them, but for you there is still a chance. I know my fate for loving you. But you, my love, still have a chance at your freedom. Go, let me give you this gift of time. Go and be free, and live a full life, and when you ready, come back and fight so we are the last to suffer this fate.” My head was spinning, blood rushing in my ears. No, no, no. He grabbed my hands in his and kissed them, “Think of me.” He whispered onto my fingers. “Follow the plan, go to the North side of the city, I will lead them South.” He squeezed my hands, “I love you,” and then let go. Backing away, I could see the pain and love in his eyes, then he turned and ran.  I stared after him until he was gone, the walls of the mountains themselves pressing in on me. Turning to the North, my heart squeezing in agony, I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and opened my eyes in my bedroom in the manor.

✤✤✤

It was still dark. Confusion filled every fiber of my being. I was no longer on my feet, I was laying down on something soft. A blanket. Around me, the surroundings of my familiar bedroom, came into focus. Overwhelming confusion about what had just happened muddled my thoughts. It felt real, was it real? The sadness was still with me. The feeling of loss, the love for that man, it all felt so familiar. The bed was warm from my body. I had been here the whole time, so that had to mean it was a dream. Another dream that was too real, too life like. Until I opened my eyes and found myself back in my bed.

I needed answers and there was only one option to try. The moon was high in the sky and the manor was still and silent.  It was just past midnight when I crept silently out of my room and crept silently down the halls until I arrived at the massive carved oak doors leading to the library. Silently praying no one was inside studying late, I twisted the handle and pushed. There was only a few lights on the tables, left on by a tired student. I looked up at the two floors of books. It was unlikely any would have an answer for me, but I had to try. Organized by genre and then alphabetically, I already knew there was not a section for dreams, so best to start at the beginning. What was I even looking for? After an hour of combing the shelves, a few books seemed promising from the title, but upon perusing the pages, none of them had any answers, not for me, anyway. My brain was swimming with titles and words from random pages. By three in the morning, I was ready to give up and go back to bed. Turning for the door something glinted in the almost non-existent light. A thick gold book with a carved cover sat on the table with one of the reading lights that had been left on. I didn’t remember seeing it there when I had come in, but here it was as though it had been here the entire time. I walked toward the book. I reminded me of a book from my childhood, but this book was thicker and much older.  The gold exterior was so vibrant, it was nearly glowing. Reaching my hand toward the book my fingertips brushed the front and it opened on its own. The paper within fluttered to the title page and in my hand I felt a tug. A strong pull was coming from the book as though a magnet connected the center of my hand with that title page. That instinct that had been rising up inside me had me reaching out and laying my palm directly on the page. At once the words and images began to move and shift on the page. Twisting and writhing, the letters themselves rose off the pages and swirled into the air around me, glowing gold as they shimmered through the air. The words twisted themselves into shapes and images of strange creatures, beautiful places I had never seen. The words poured out of the book enacting stories and, rising off the page, was the creature I had seen on the laneway. A gold illustration of exactly what I had seen swirled around me, moving just like the real thing. I knew it was real. The book was glowing brighter now and a heat was rising through my palm. I was beginning to shake. I couldn’t lift my hand. The book was humming, I could see the power flowing between us. I was beginning to panic, my hand firmly cemented to the page, the entire book immovable. That same instinct that had pushed me to touch the book came over me. I felt it guiding me. Close your eyes and release the book. I took a deep breath, attempting to quell the rising fear. Closing my eyes, I let the panic dissolve, and I felt that force within me flow down my arm neutralizing the power. I lifted my hand off the book. I opened my eyes. I was alone with the book, which was closed again, standing in the library. Part of me wanted to just put the book back and forget everything that had just happened, but I knew I couldn’t do that. I had been changed. From the moment I had seen that creature on the path, I felt different and unnerved. But, I had come here to find answers about the dreams, and maybe this book could help. I picked the book up off the table and I was suddenly looking at an entirely different world, the library was gone and I was standing at the edge of a forest. It looked out over a crystal clear lake with waterfalls pouring into the lake from various mountainside spots.  The entire landscape before me seemed to sparkle as though I was seeing the full spectrum of color for the first time, and there were so many more colors. Birds sang in the distance, a natural music of sorts. There was movement in the distance. There were people near the edge of the lake. They looked like humans but subtly different, more vibrant than anyone I’d ever seen.  They were radiant, light and energy moved around them extending their movements into the space around their bodies. Lifting my hands to my eyes to examine them, I was immediately back in the library. The meadow around me was gone. The connection was broken. Resting my hands carefully to either side of the book, I steadied myself against the table. Exhaling, I thought about the past week. I felt strange. Keeping secrets, meeting strangers, seeing creatures that shouldn’t exist. But the question was, where do I go from here? Staring at the book I realized that seeing the creature happened to me. Meeting James happened to me. But this book I had control of, I could choose this experience. I felt that instinct rustle inside. This book is yours.[1]   I took a deep breath and picked it up off the table.  Instantly I could feel it pulsing with power, and then a white hot spike of heat shot through my hand up to my forearm. I almost dropped the book, but the pain receded as fast as it came on. Turning for the door I quietly crossed the room. Back in the hallway the moonlight poured through the windows as I made my way back to my room with the book firmly in my hands.

✤✤✤

It had been three weeks since I had found the book. I had only taken it out once, a few nights after finding it. I discovered that the spot on my forearm that had felt burned that first night, now had a glittering intricate golden star that appeared when I touched the book. Not wanting another accidental tattoo, I kept the book safely tucked away in the bottom of my dresser. Even though I hadn’t touched the book again, my focus was even less on my lessons than it had been. Between nightly dreams and seeing James at the causeway almost every other evening, I was barely paying attention.

I was walking to the causeway but today James was waiting for me at the top of the path. “I thought if I met you here, we would have more time together.” he said with a grin and the words made my stomach twirl. He walked backwards, away from the hidden staircase. “Let’s walk along the cliff today, the beach continues on the other side of the cliff, it’s a longer stretch of shoreline.”  I’d never walked beyond this beach before, but I’d always wanted to. Nodding, I fell into step beside him. He was so easy to be around. From the first day it was like I’d known him all my life. The trust that I had felt right away was only growing stronger.  We reached the cliffs and passed them. An off shoot of the path angled toward this second beach. Unlike the path I knew, this path had a true staircase, with ancient steps carved out of the stone. The walls of the path were covered in motifs, that must have once been beautiful, but were now worn with age. Running my fingers along the carved wall I added, “These are so ornate for being so old.” James looked at me with a strange expression, “Yes, they are.” Was all that he said, as an expression of mild surprise crossed his features.  The path appeared untouched, with moss growing around the edges of the stone steps. As we walked, I thought about all the stories these stones could tell about all who had ventured to these cliffs.  Local legends said this entire coastline was dotted with spots imbued with some sort of power. One story from many centuries ago told of an entire village going missing. Now, I wondered how true the stories were. I thought about the golden book. There was some connection between the book and James, but I didn’t know what.  I had planned to ask him about the book when it first happened, but I wasn’t sure what to say. When I was with him everything else faded away. The golden hour light glistened off his dark hair and his eyelashes were impossibly long. Everything about him seemed somehow heightened, as though he were more vibrant, more alive somehow. Just like the people in vision from the book. Lost in thought, I stumbled on a loose stone that was slick from the mist off the ocean. He reached out grabbing my elbow.  When he touched me something stirred in the back of my mind, but before I could make sense of it, gold light was pouring from the space where his hand connected with my arm. If I thought the air between us was electric before, it paled in comparison to this. The light was now gleaming softly and connecting us, a thousand glowing strands of light swirling around the space where he was touching me.  We looked at each other, neither of us sure what was happening.  He slowly let his hand drop from my arm and the light flowing between us began to fade. He eyes met mine and I saw the same shock there that I felt.  The connection couldn’t have lasted more than a moment, but the part of my skin where the golden light had touched me felt warm, like I was sitting in a pool of sunlight. The gold light was still slightly visible on his palm, it looked just like the petite golden star that had appeared on my forearm.

✤✤✤

Softly, suspended in the reverie of the moment, I asked, “What was that?”

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03.15.25

Golden Promise – Chapter Two

– JAMES – Second Chance 

 After meeting her the first time I had told myself I would not go back to the causeway.  Having her see me had been strange enough, but for me to not immediately realize she was human was even more unsettling.  When the lightning had struck I knew there was too much magic in the air, it was dangerous and so I left, not wanting to inflict magic on her if I couldn’t control it. It had been a long time since I had felt out of control when it came to magic. When I arrived home after disappearing from her I had told myself that would be it, but that entire night I replayed our interaction over and over.  How had magic been so heavy in the air?  After years of working with it, I knew when I was drawing and channeling magic. How had I so carelessly created so much right in front of a human? Not just a spark either, Enough to draw true lightning.  After analyzing for hours, a bizarre realization began to take hold. As the dawn broke it occurred to me that I hadn’t been producing the magic, something else had. Now I had to return to the causeway.

As soon as I saw her, I couldn’t help but say her name again, and hope she felt even an ounce of the intense connection that I felt with her.  “I hoped to see you here again” felt too forward so I opted for simple, “Good evening Sinclaira”.  We’d only just met the night before, although it felt as though we had met long ago.  “I’m surprised to see you here, to see you at all actually” she said blithely. Clearly she had not forgotten that I had disappeared from her last night, but there was no hint of anger in her tone or mannerisms. “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t come here wanting to meet you by chance again.” it was easy to just be honest with her, everything in me wanted to be transparent with her, even though that went against pretty much everything I had been told about humans. I was breaking the code already just by speaking to her.  The entire experience of us being near each other was so unlikely that it shouldn’t be possible. Flying blind, which was new for me, I decided I had to come back, I was too enchanted by the situation to stay away. She was a human and the ability to see me once shouldn’t have been possible, but here we were for a third time. Humans were typically only familiar with my realm in stories, afterlife legends or at the very least the fairytales they outgrew when they moved beyond childhood.  They were told the stories were metaphors for more realistic aspects of their life.  As if that was the truth.  Humans had, for centuries, allowed their senses to grow dull to the presence of the magic around them. Which is why they only ended up in Everlore after death, if they had any magic in them. That lack of magic is what was believed to have caused the separation of our realms to begin in the first place. “You came here to see me? Are you assuming I would want to see you again?” She was more sure of herself today, it could have been intimidating if her energy wasn’t so magnetizing.  “Yes, I came to see you, but I can leave if you prefer.” It would be like moving through quicksand to try and go, but I wouldn’t force my company upon her. There was a pause while she studied my face, “I was hoping to see you too,” she said quietly after a moment.  There it was again, that humming, shimmering charge in the air. Magic. As those words slipped out of her lips the energy between us multiplied. There was a strange feeling in my chest when she spoke, some ancient feeling that I couldn’t place. It went beyond my heart, to my soul.  She was still looking at me as I said, “Lucky I was here then.” I smiled and teased her. I could see something in her eyes, something like fire, I wanted to see more of it, but then she smiled and it was gone. “Lucky for you.” she said. 

Although the weather was overcast and the sun was low in the sky, standing here with her was like feeling the sun on my skin for the first time. Regardless of what happened after this moment, I would never forget the feeling of being around her. Human or not. We walked in companionable silence for a stretch, both of us aware of the atmosphere between us.  “You’ve never seen anyone else here?” I asked her, it seemed like a harmless way to start the conversation. I had wanted to know more about her from the first word she had said to me.  Evaluating me again, she finally responded, “No.  After coming here almost every evening for years, I’ve never seen anyone. Until three days ago, when I saw you at the far side of the beach.” She looked at me and there was a question in her eyes. I had seen her too.  When I realized she was able to see me, that’s when I had left, dissolving into the air. She was so sure of what she had seen, definitely not the typical human.  I already wanted to tell her the truth, but now was not the time for breaking a barrier rule.  The sun was slipping below the horizon and before she could ask outright whatever question that was in her eyes, I said, “Can I walk you home?” 

Tonight had been the best night I could remember.  The magic seemed to be coming from our interaction, rising and shaping itself to whatever was happening between us. After walking her to the gate that led to the manor house of the school my senses were humming.  This time I waited until she was out of sight and went back to the causeway before disappearing. When I reappeared on the steps at home, my head was swimming with questions.  How is it that she can see me without me choosing it? I can tell she’s human, I can sense it.  But there’s something magnetizing about her, I’m drawn to her in a way that feels inexplicable. Walking through the massive carved doors and I was greeted by Loreena, the head of the house staff.  She had been the keeper of this castle for centuries and I had known her since I was a boy.  She was from the territory of Dialabi and as was the case with many from that territory, her magic was in homekeeping, nourishment, and healing. “Master Evers, are you well?” She spoke with care as she took my coat. “I think so, maybe better than ever.” I said to her with a smile as I left the front hall and walked towards the veranda that overlooked the ocean. I couldn’t get Sinclaira off my mind as I stood looking out at the waves in the pale moonlight.  Her eyes were so blue and intense, an ocean of their own, but than there had been that blue flame that had appeared. Who was she and why did the magic in me respond to her so powerfully?

Thanks for reading Chapter 2! For Chapter 1, click here.

You can follow me on Instagram here, or TikTok here.

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03.13.25

Why I’m Posting my Novel on my Site Over Traditional Publishing

I’m posting my novel on my website over traditional publishing. I think it will serve my audience and myself better than seeking a traditional publishing deal. 

I’ve been sitting on a complete novel for several years. I sent out a few (very few) letters to agents for representation, but it was daunting to think of continuing to receive rejection letters.

Instead, I pushed my book to the back of my files and thought about it often. However, but didn’t do anything about it—until today. I’ve decided to rewrite the book and start posting it chapter by chapter here.

The more I thought about traditional publishing, the more I wondered if it was the best path for me. I love to create, and I didn’t love the idea of the slow pace of a traditional publishing experience or the pressure that would likely come with my second book (which is 90% complete).

When an agent signs a book,

it then goes through the process of being pitched to publishers. Once you have a publisher, the book ultimately gets slotted for release, usually 6-12 months before your book is in bookstores. It started becoming less appealing when I considered all the time and energy required. Sure, I love the idea of my book being published in hardback, but more than that, I want to share the world and story I created with others who love romantic fantasy centered around strong female characters and world-building.

In a podcast with Tim Ferris and Seth Godin, they discussed the discoveries to be found in taking a non-traditional path.

That’s a long-winded way of saying

that if you want to read Golden Promise, you can begin here. You can expect a new chapter every day or so; ultimately, I hope you will read each chapter and discover a new world within the text.

With a sense of adventure,

Stevie Jewel
Instagram/Tiktok

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03.13.25

Golden Promise – Chapter One

In the early light, his coat was dark and glossy. Apollo was a thoroughbred and was by far my favorite horse in the barn.  He had proven long ago that he was sure footed and good tempered.  “Are you ready for a ride?” I greeted him quietly, gently brushing down his broad neck. I scratched between his eyes, as he nodded his head up and down enjoying the attention. “Maybe I can find something for us to jump today.” I whispered to him before I climbed up into the saddle. There was true trust in our relationship, formed through years of riding together.  He had never let me down.  “Good morning Sinclaira! You are ready to go?” said a jovial voice nearby with a subtle french accent. My riding instructor, Jaques, already on his horse, walked toward me.  I smiled. “Good morning! Yes, we’re ready. I think Apollo enjoys this kind of weather.” I said and patted his neck.  We rode along side by side down the usual path, passing lush green fields with wooden fences. The morning fog was still heavy in the air making it hard to see even a few paces in front of us, unusual, the fog normally lifted by this time of day. We reached the ring on the far side of the barn and after a brief warm up, we set off into the field together. As soon as we were out of sight of the barn I urged Apollo faster. Jacques was not far behind. The wind whipped strands of my hair as we rode through the grassy expanse.  The exhilaration warmed my cheeks, even as the heavy mist made the air damp. I scanned the path ahead for any fallen trees or fence lines we could turn into a makeshift jump. Jacques hated when I did this, but I loved the thrill and he was falling further behind me.  Apollo was his usual sure-footed self, as we moved with speed across the fields.  We slowed as the mist became even thicker, making it hard to see even a few feet in front of me.  Suddenly a fallen tree appeared out of nowhere through the mist and I felt Apollo rise off the ground just in time.

We landed on a small lane and were now standing in the middle path.  Apollo looked down the lane and he faltered slightly, distracted by something moving farther down the path.  I followed his gaze down the foggy lane, straining to see anything. Something was moving in the mist, a large shape.  Even through the mist it’s shadowed figure was as big as Apollo. It had to be another horse, but where was the rider?  The shape stepped closer to us the fog shimmering and shifting in the light. It stepped close and I saw it for what it was. It was a beautiful creature with a slick coat the color of midnight. But it wasn’t a horse. Rising up from it’s shoulder blades was a set of huge magnificent and leathery wings, the tips dragging along the ground.  It’s mane and tail flowed in thick tendrils nearly touching the ground. This was not the winged horse of stories, this creature was something between equine and dragon. It was frightening and enchanting all at once. It stamped it’s hooves and then reared up pawing the air between us, the wings fanning out, spanning the entire laneway. My heart set to racing. Impossible. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, and as I argued with myself about reality, the beast stared at us for a moment, and then turned and galloped off into the mist and disappeared from view.  Not even a moment could have passed.  Apollo was staring after where the creature had disappeared, but we seemed to be in agreement that we would not be following after it.  Quickly, I turned Apollo back the way we had come, and he willingly jumped the fallen tree again. Once I calmed my racing heart I should have felt fear, but instead I felt a strange desire to go back, to follow it. The fog was much less back in the field. Glancing behind, I found that the tree was gone, the lane was gone, and nothing but field stretch out behind us. Suddenly Jacques came riding up to us through the mist, “Sinclaira, where did you go?” He startled me, “We were standing on the lane, back there,” I got out, but then realized there was nothing behind me, as a looked over my shoulder for the second time. Jacques was giving me a strange look. “There’s no lane out here.  There’s nothing but wilderness and fields.” he said, looking concerned.  Before I could speak again he said, “I’ve been looking for you, I thought something happened. We should head back.” I nodded, deciding not to say more. “Are you alright Sinclaira?” Jaques asked me, scrutinizing my face as we walked side by side.  I was shaken up, but even still, I felt a burning curiosity to know more.  “Just chilled from the damp air.” I responded; a lie.  We got back to the barn and I was still thinking of the dark winged creature. “Sinclaira, you’re pale, you should get inside and warm up by the fire.” Jacques said to me as I dismounted in front of the stables. I nodded and handed Apollo off to a stablehand into the barn. I walked back to the manor in a daze. 

I didn’t know what to do, but I did know I could speak of what I had seen to no one.  Anything that would make me appear abnormal would be regarded as unacceptable.  I knew what I was supposed to be aiming for, what we were all aiming for; perfection.  Seeing winged creatures on my morning ride and telling someone could derail everything.

The rest of the day dragged on through calligraphy, history, and politics. By my afternoon lessons I had done my best to convince myself the entire experience was a hallucination from lack of sleep.   As usual I spent the day preparing for my future and only when the shadows grew long did I ever get a moment to myself.  When the clock chimed 430 and I was done, I left the library before anyone else. I practically ran for the door and couldn’t wait to get down to the causeway, a secluded little cove that few people seemed to know about, and no one visited. My favorite haunt. The place where I could forget the future, the pressure, the expectations, and just watch the water move in and out. Where the sounds of the waves washed away any other thought. Today, it would be my refuge for the thoughts I couldn’t shake, because, deep down, no matter how hard I tried to convince myself otherwise, I knew it wasn’t just a hallucination.

✤✤✤

The staircase down, was tucked into the steep hill and unless you knew where to look, it was hidden completely. The rocky wet steps and sharp edges, descended into a hidden entrance to the beach, wrapped into the edge of the shore.  I found this path when I first arrived at the manor and for the past three years it has been my escape. There were many things I would miss when I left for New York, but this secret spot especially.  This was a place that wasn’t formal or educational, in fact, it was the opposite of all that, it was magical.  A word and concept that was never mentioned or discussed in my day to day life.  The best part was, I had never seen a soul here, it was my own personal sanctuary.  I walked down to the shore and the sun was low in the sky, nearly touching the water.  It would be too dark to walk along the water’s edge soon, but a short visit here was better than none at all.  I cherished this time alone, and lately it meant more to me than ever as all of my other time was spent preparing for my soon-to-start life in New York. Today I appreciated the walk and the landscape in a new way, I let the shock of the morning wash over me.  Whether I hallucinated the creature, or not, it had shaken something loose inside me. Perhaps it was nostalgia for the life I was leaving behind, but whatever this strange sensation inside me was, it knew that creature, half horse and half dragon, was real. I relived the moment, my heart beginning to quicken. The path was so familiar I didn’t have to think about where I was going. I moved along the edge of the rocks down to the water. As I began walking along the shore an uncomfortable rift was forming in my chest. I had seen something that shouldn’t have been possible, but I knew it was real and I had no one to tell. My whole world felt like a spool of yarn unraveling.  A wave crashed onto the shore with a thundering sound, bringing me back to the moment, and I realized that I couldn’t be honest without someone thinking I was crazy. No one would believe me. The only thing that would happen is losing my standing as one of the most eligible. The realization crashed onto me; I was simply being groomed to fit a role, my life wasn’t my own. My opinion or experiences wouldn’t be taken seriously.

I knew it was true as soon as the thought entered my mind, but before it could sink in, before I could dwell on it, there was movement down the shore.  I’d never seen another soul here, but tonight I wasn’t alone.  In the distance I could see someone walking toward the far cliff where the beach ended. They were a good distance ahead of me, and must have come down here a short time before I did. There was only one path up or down. The far side was a solid rock wall that joined against the beach and the cliff dropped straight into the water, leaving only jagged edges for the water to pound against.  They would have to come back this way, we would have to pass each other.  I felt a thrill of exhilaration, a twin to the feeling of this morning. When I should have felt fear, I felt curiosity. The fading light made it hard to see the far edge of the beach, which, given the distance, was difficult enough to see on a clear day.  Picking up my pace I tried to cover more ground before the sun set.  I made it all the way to the end of the beach, right up to that tall cliff that fell straight into the water, but the stranger was gone. No sign of anyone, and any footprints had already faded into the sand.  I was alone.

✤✤✤

  I returned just after darkness fell and the manor was quiet. Although my body went through the motions of opening the door and entering the foyer, my mind was far away.  The idea of explaining both the creature and the stranger confirmed the truth that crashed upon me at the cove.  Everything felt unfamiliar as I stepped out of the foyer into the hall. I felt like a stranger in my world. I vaguely heard a fire crackling down the hall, the sound registering even with all the thoughts tumbling through my head.  It was coming from one of the sitting rooms. I collected myself as I walked toward the sound.  We usually gathered here in the evenings, about 10 girls to each sitting room. Some played board games, some read, and if a few of the rooms I could hear quiet conversations. My closest friend Lily, was sitting by the fire sketching flowers from the garden.  “Did you have a good day Sinclaira?” she asked me looking up from her work. Lily’s soft smile was comforting. “Yes, it went by quickly.” I didn’t have to lie, I did have a good day.  It was the most exhilarating day I had ever had, even if I was now questioning everything, but I kept that part to myself.  She nodded and went back to her drawing. Lily and I never had to make conversation. After three years here together we could sit comfortably in silence. Thinking about how much had changed in one day, in the last hour even, it was amazing to know that to look at me, no one would know.  Before today I never gave a thought to being outside the realm of what was acceptable, and now I was looking in from the outside. I was sitting in my seat, in my world, and yet, I was somehow a stranger here. The black grate of the fire screen reminded me of the black glistening coat of the creature. How the light seemed to sparkle on it, as though the creature’s coat and hide were woven from gilded thread. It had just faded into the mist. Like the stranger at the causeway.  There was no explanation for either, they defied logic and reason.  I stared at the flames within the ornate fireplace feeling that strange piece of me that surfaced.  A small piece of my personality, a place that had been dormant, was now very awake.  I felt the edges of this internal discovery, savoring it’s newness and yet, it was the rediscovery of something. Familiar and yet foreign, as if the strange occurrences had woken up magic within me. This new place inside myself felt ancient and crafted from some substance beyond my human body, a piece made of stardust.  “Sinclaira, are you going to stay up a while longer?” The words broke my focus and I found my Lily standing in the doorway, looking at me. The room was empty, everyone else had gone to bed. I hadn’t even noticed them leave. She was still waiting for a response, “No, I’m going to bed.  I didn’t realize how tired I was.” and the words were more true than ever.

✤✤✤

The smell of gardenias caught my attention, as I looked around the beautiful garden. Large trees lined the edges of the property.  The sun was shining through a blue sky, warming my skin, and there wasn’t a cloud to be seen.  Slowly, I turned around and was looking at a pristine pool.  Beyond the pool, a home stretched out, the color of burnt caramel. Curved terracotta tiles covered the roof giving the impression this home had been picked up from the Italian countryside and set down in this spot.  As I stood in the garden I could see a man through the windows of the house.  Even from this distance I could see he was standing at a counter, cooking.  Peace and kindness spread through me and my heart warmed; the feeling of love. A love so pure and deep, it ran through my blood, through my bones. I knew him. His name was just out of reach, but I knew him. I tried to grasp it, but it floated maddeningly out of my head as I attempted to recall it. Drawn to him, I walked toward the house. I moved around the edge of the pool and through a set of french doors into a living room.  A living room that I had decorated, I realized, which distracted me from the pull that had brought me into the house. It was dotted with little trinkets I remembered finding in hidden antique shops. The pieces of my memories began fitting together in my mind, tumbling into place all at once.  This was my home, our home. The man was my husband, we were newly married. I then remembered what had brought me into the house and moved on instinct toward where I knew the kitchen was. I walked into the room, the memories of our life tucking themselves into place in my mind.  His eyes lit up as soon as he saw me and a joyful smile spread across his face, as the final piece in the puzzle of my mind clicked into place.  My heart fluttered.  I smiled back at him and heard myself saying, “Are you making my favorite again?” He winked at me. “I wanted to surprise you.” he responded, and the warmth in my chest accelerated into a fire. Could I ever feel anything more wonderful than the way I felt about this person in front of me?  I threw my head back and laughed, closing my eyes and smiling at the feeling of pure love within me. 

✤✤✤

The dream was still on my mind hours later.  It had been too real.  Instead of fading, the dream felt like memories from another time and place. They fit into my mind so seamlessly. Even now, walking the narrow path down to the water, the dream was still vivid.  The day had been a blur but the memories were crystalline.  One minute I was standing in the kitchen of a house I that was mine and the next I was waking up in my bed at school in Ireland. The details swirled in my head, the living room, the sunlight, and the love I had felt. A love that had felt strong enough to move mountains.  I was only half aware of my surroundings as I made my way to the cove and I didn’t see him until I almost ran into him. 

I rounded the corner at the bottom of the path and he was standing right there.  He heard me at the same moment I saw him and turning his face at the sound, our eyes met. Vibrant green stared back at me. He looked as shocked as I felt, maybe more so. His eyes locked onto mine and I registered the vibrant green. Neither of us looked away.  It didn’t feel possible.  There was a ringing in my ears, like a warning bell, but still my eyes held his.  I was sure I had never seen him before, but the place within me that had newly been awoken, forced me to pause, as though I did know him.  Neither of us said a word. I had spent years of training, honing my ability to be articulate and yet this stranger had rendered me silent. Say something, the small part of me, the place of magic, said.  I don’t know if it was shock from this new part of me speaking up, or from this stranger in my cove, but I found my voice.  I said exactly what was on my mind, “Were you here yesterday?” Definitely not the most polite thing to start with, but something was better than nothing. I noted that my etiquette was clearly not as drilled into me as I thought when caught off guard.  The wind gently played through his dark hair, the expression of shock morphed and he smiled at me.  He looked at me for a moment, the smile playing on his lips, as though debating whether or not to answer.  Finally he said, “Yes, I live nearby.” in a sure, even voice. Quiet confidence filled the air around him. His voice was rich and steady, like a river that knows it’s course. As the words left his lips, the air became charged. It felt as if a storm was coming. He noticed it; there was a slight change in his eyes.  My curiosity was clearly going to continue to overrule three years of training as I found myself speaking again. “Who are you?” I asked. My patience had been dedicated to trying to work out what was happening between the dream and the creature. Now I just wanted to know who this stranger was coming to my cove. Our gaze stayed locked and I wondered if he was going to answer. After what seemed like minutes he spoke. “My name is James Evers” he said with the same clear voice and now there was a strong look of curiosity fixed in his eyes. He looked just as curious about me as I felt about him.  I had never been so wildly transfixed by another person in my life, I immediately wanted to know more about him. All my time was devoted to studying, preparing for my life across the ocean. I only knew the other girls at the manor and the staff. When we occasionally went into the small town nearby, I had seen a few locals, but if I had seen him before I would remember it. Nothing about James was “forgettable”.  Not even a moment had passed.  He was looking at me with an amused expression.  Focus, focus I kept telling myself, his presence was beyond distracting.  It dawned on me that he didn’t have the familiar lilt to his voice that all locals had; he wasn’t Irish. “Are you new here? Your accent doesn’t sound local.” He kept the smirk on his face as he spoke, “Observant. Relatively new, we’ve been here about 3 years.  I didn’t realize coming here would involve an interrogation.” I felt a slight heat in my cheeks as I realized I had been questioning him, and it wasn’t actually my private beach.  On the verge of saying something I would likely regret, he saved me the trouble by speaking first, “It seems I’m blocking your path,” he moved aside to let me pass. Keeping eye contact I moved around him. Before I had passed entirely he quietly said, “Would you like to walk together?”  He was staring at me with an open expression.  I knew better than to accept invitations from strangers, but this person didn’t feel like a stranger, in fact, James felt like the opposite. I knew better, I should have walked away as soon as I saw him, but that piece of magic, like stardust within me, was becoming an instinct. I followed the nudge like a guiding light. It gave me the sensation in my stomach that I’d never been safer.  It felt strangely natural to be standing here with him. The unprecedented trust I felt towards him unnerved me more than finding a stranger here. We had just met yet I couldn’t shake off the feeling that I had seen him somewhere before. He hadn’t moved. He was waiting for an answer. “That would be fine.” was the vague response I gave him and he gestured for me to lead the way.  He fell in step beside me and asked, “Have you been coming here for a while?”  The part of my mind that had been educated for years on etiquette and formalities clicked into gear. I turned to answer his question, my training at my fingertips, but I was caught off guard by his eyes. They had been a vibrant green, but now they seemed to be shimmering, the color of them moving as liquid. As I stared into his eyes I could see them shifting and blending, moving from a vibrant green to a subdued mossy shade. Completely transfixed on his eyes I remembered I owed him an answer, “Yes, but I’ve never seen anyone else here before.” I wanted to ask him why I had never seen him here before, but he sensed my question without me having to ask it outright. “I usually walk the beach on the other side of those cliffs.” he told me with a casual shrug as though that explained everything. As far as I knew, there was nothing on the other side of those cliffs, except another stretch of beach that ended at the ruined remains of an old castle. The closest town was near those ruins. Maintaining eye contact I asked him, “You live in the town then?” and he nodded, but then added, “Near there.” The feeling that had been hanging in the air intensified, as though a current was moving through it. It slid along the skin of my arms, and made me shiver.  The intensity drew my attention and we were silent for a moment, as though we were both feeling the strange current in the atmosphere between us. It was unlike anything I knew. The sun was lower in the sky than I realized, where had the time gone?  Dusk would be falling soon. “I should turn back, it’s easier to make it up the path before dark.” I told him. He smiled, “I don’t mind heading back,” he said, turning as I did and we retraced our steps. “Do you have a long walk home?” I asked him as we neared the steep path up the cliff again. “It’s not too bad, it’s faster than you would think,” his words were casual, but his tone made it sound like he found it amusing.  We were at the top of the path before I realized and the beach was far below us.  The air was practically humming around me now, ratcheting up in intensity. A storm had to be coming.  The space felt so charged that I wondered if I could cause a spark just by touching something.  The feeling made me lightheaded, as I met his eyes again. “Will you tell me your name?” He looked at me with intent, and I was sure the air between us could have ignited. I debated not telling him my name, but I wanted to tell him. I wanted him to know who I was.  “Sinclaira” I said, holding his gaze.  “Sinclaira,” he repeated back to me, and as my name left his mouth lightning carved down the sky and struck somewhere out at sea and instantly my gaze was pulled out to the dark waters.  The lightning had lit up the sky and the water, it was so vibrant and full of motion, but as fast as it appeared it faded.  When I looked back toward him, he was gone, as though he vanished with the lightning.  There was nowhere for him to have gone, but I was standing alone on the top of the cliff. The electricity was a pulse in the air around me and my skin felt charged. Whether it was from the weather or our interaction, I didn’t know.  A thrill coursed through me, moving along my bones.  I looked around for him, but nothing. He had disappeared, just as the creature had disappeared back into the mist.  Slightly dazed, I began walking back to the manor.  I knew I should have been feeling shock or fear, but instead I felt more alive than ever before.

✤✤✤

I stood at the bank of a winding river surrounded by mountains on either side.  The angular mountains were green and thick with foliage.   The sun was beginning to rise over a particularly large mountain in the distance. The mist of the morning was casting shadows all around us.  This place was overgrown and untouched.  A place that time had forgotten, or perhaps overlooked.  I felt the warmth of two arms wrapped around my waist. I looked down at the arms, they were strong and powerful. I felt comfortable and at ease; I felt happy.  I felt the vibration coming from his chest as he was speaking to me, but I couldn’t make out the words. His lips were right by my ear, and I could tell they were meaningful from the tone. Though my ears couldn’t hear his words, somehow my heart could.  While my pulse increased, I felt the deep steady rhythm of his heartbeat and the evenness of his breathing.  The smell in the air was familiar to me, something I knew well, it was all familiar to me. As though a lost memory. As I stood in his arms glimpses of this life I was living; the moments of it flashed through my mind.  I turned to see his face; the smooth planes and angular eyes looking back at me with tenderness, I could see my own sleek black hair and full lips reflected there. His hands released my waist, but before he could say anything the world began to quiver.  The ground, the river, the mountains, all began shaking. An earthquake. The earth shifted underneath us and we fell to our knees. He looked back toward a small village situated behind us. It was our village.  There was real fear in his expression, the same fear I felt, as we watched people running and screaming, and the shaking started building again. We both realized at the same time, the buildings were going to collapse. He got to his feet and pulled me up in one motion.  We were running, toward the building, but he got there first, just as the next tremor hit.  I saw him go in as the tremor rocked the ground under my feet and again I fell, this time I didn’t have a chance to brace myself and I felt my head slam against something hard.  I looked up through hazy vision to see the building he had gone into now shaking on its foundation, threatening to collapse. He was in there, I had to get to him. I tried to stand but the pain was excruciating. I felt a warm sticky sensation sliding down my forehead onto my cheek.  The building blurred as the haze in my vision turned red and the shaking around me intensified.  My eyes slid closed and the darkness swallowed me.

✤✤✤

The shaking continued and I opened my eyes. I was looking at Lily.  My hands shot to my head where the blood had been sliding down my face.  There was nothing there, just dry, smooth skin.  Her hands were on my shoulders and she was shaking me awake, “Sinclaira, you’ve got 20 minutes to get ready!” She let go and I looked at the clock on my nightstand.  She was right, if I didn’t get up I was going to be late, again. 

I was shell shocked.  She was still staring down at me. Even as I tried to focus my thoughts on what was happening now, they were still on the river, the collapsing building, the hands around my waist.  She didn’t register my confusion as anything but that of someone who had just woken up.  She moved away from the bed and toward the door, saying over her shoulder, “Sinclaira, do you want to be late?” as she walked out of my room.  I shook my head, as if that could clear the confusion. Another dream. Another that felt as real as this moment I was living right now. Where were they coming from, and how were they so real?  In these dreams I was somehow part of the reality, I knew what was happening in those moments. I was seeing from someone else’s perspective, I was sharing their emotions, their physical body, their senses, but I was along for the ride.  I knew the choices they would make, because they were my choices.  Even though I was in their body, I was a silent participant, until today. This dream had been different, I was no longer simply witnessing from their perspective without agency, this time I was living it.  The clock on my nightstand chimed again and I was about to be late.  I didn’t have time to dwell now, I had to get ready. Quickly pulling a brush through my hair I grabbed whatever clothes appeared to coordinate from the drawers of my dresser. I rushed down to the garden room for the elocution lesson. I was present but couldn’t focus, my mind spinning out in different directions pulling me away from where I was supposed to be.  

My lack of focus didn’t go completely unnoticed. Madame Demare, the elocution instructor, said to me at the end of the lesson, “Sinclaira, I would think you would be taking more care, with how quickly your departure is approaching. Next lesson I expect your undivided attention.” I hadn’t realized how obvious it was. “Yes, of course.” I said back to her, nodding demurely and she seemed satisfied.  She hadn’t been wrong. I attempted to do better in the next lesson, but the entire day my thoughts were consumed with horses, dragons, James, and dreams, that I couldn’t mention. When I had given up on trying to understand the dream, my thoughts went back to him, why was he so familiar? What was the electricity in the air?  Thinking back on the atmosphere last night, a storm should have arrived. The air had been charged with energy, a storm that strong should have woken me, but I slept through the night. I slept through because no storm materialized. 

The day dragged on as though it would never end. When I was finally freed from my lessons, there was just enough light left to make it to the causeway. I needed the escape, the freedom that came with being by the sea. I rushed to the edge of the cliff where the path began and stood at the overlook. I looked out to the water, and down the length of the beach.  I didn’t want to admit it, that I was hoping to see him, but no one was there.  A flicker of disappointment rose up, but as the scent of brine and earth filled my nose, it was soon overpowered. Here was my only chance to be truly alone with my thoughts instead of having to pretend to be focused on classes or conversations.  An opportunity which was becoming an increasingly regular problem. A week ago my only thoughts had been on my future in New York, but my focus had drifted so far in the past few days to the moments that had thrilled me and the dreams that chased me. The days of ettiquette and diplomacy lessons paled in comparison to the excitement of disappearing roads, creatures, and strangers. What was happening to me.  A loud wave crashed along the shore and pulled me out of my mental spiral.  The sound was enough that it caught me off guard and made my pulse spike. I looked out to the water as I reached up to my chest, steadying my heart from the outside. Catching my breath, I glanced down the beach and I saw him walking toward me.  Where had he come from? I would have seen him from the overlook had he been anywhere around here, and there was no way he could have gotten down here without me noticing, there was only one path and I was standing right on it.  It’s possible I missed him when I was at the top…possible, but unlikely. He smiled at me, and I could feel the air shimmering again. Tonight I could see the air between us subtly out of focus, almost glittering. “Good evening Sinclaira” he said and his voice was like velvet. If I didn’t already know better, I could have sworn I had known him for years, even longer if that were possible. His presence set my senses in search of something I felt but couldn’t recall. Why did I feel this way about someone I just met? 

Thanks for reading Chapter One! You can find me on tiktok and instagram. If you want to know why I’m publishing my book this way, you can read more about that here.

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