SINCLAIRA – The Library
The sand was still warm from the scorching sun of the day, I could feel it from the ground, up through my sandals. A gentle breeze floated over the dunes. The moon was high, illuminating the carved structures around me. We had been hidden here for thousands of years, tall shrines and markets carved right into these red mountains. I stood in the shadows of the jagged mountain’s corners and I waited. Tonight was the night, we would run away. Finally we would be free together, no longer hiding our love, living in fear of discovery. My heart pulsed through my body. He should be here by now. One moment, then another passed. A sound caught my attention, I could hear someone running. A shadow moved swiftly toward me through the darkness. The only light the stars above. I knew it was him before he reached me. He grabbed my hands and held them in his. “You have to go.” No, we were going together. “I have been discovered, they are already after me, they know we were together. We both cannot outrun them, but for you there is still a chance. I know my fate for loving you. But you, my love, still have a chance at your freedom. Go, let me give you this gift of time. Go and be free, and live a full life, and when you ready, come back and fight so we are the last to suffer this fate.” My head was spinning, blood rushing in my ears. No, no, no. He grabbed my hands in his and kissed them, “Think of me.” He whispered onto my fingers. “Follow the plan, go to the North side of the city, I will lead them South.” He squeezed my hands, “I love you,” and then let go. Backing away, I could see the pain and love in his eyes, then he turned and ran. I stared after him until he was gone, the walls of the mountains themselves pressing in on me. Turning to the North, my heart squeezing in agony, I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and opened my eyes in my bedroom in the manor.
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It was still dark. Confusion filled every fiber of my being. I was no longer on my feet, I was laying down on something soft. A blanket. Around me, the surroundings of my familiar bedroom, came into focus. Overwhelming confusion about what had just happened muddled my thoughts. It felt real, was it real? The sadness was still with me. The feeling of loss, the love for that man, it all felt so familiar. The bed was warm from my body. I had been here the whole time, so that had to mean it was a dream. Another dream that was too real, too life like. Until I opened my eyes and found myself back in my bed.
I needed answers and there was only one option to try. The moon was high in the sky and the manor was still and silent. It was just past midnight when I crept silently out of my room and crept silently down the halls until I arrived at the massive carved oak doors leading to the library. Silently praying no one was inside studying late, I twisted the handle and pushed. There was only a few lights on the tables, left on by a tired student. I looked up at the two floors of books. It was unlikely any would have an answer for me, but I had to try. Organized by genre and then alphabetically, I already knew there was not a section for dreams, so best to start at the beginning. What was I even looking for? After an hour of combing the shelves, a few books seemed promising from the title, but upon perusing the pages, none of them had any answers, not for me, anyway. My brain was swimming with titles and words from random pages. By three in the morning, I was ready to give up and go back to bed. Turning for the door something glinted in the almost non-existent light. A thick gold book with a carved cover sat on the table with one of the reading lights that had been left on. I didn’t remember seeing it there when I had come in, but here it was as though it had been here the entire time. I walked toward the book. I reminded me of a book from my childhood, but this book was thicker and much older. The gold exterior was so vibrant, it was nearly glowing. Reaching my hand toward the book my fingertips brushed the front and it opened on its own. The paper within fluttered to the title page and in my hand I felt a tug. A strong pull was coming from the book as though a magnet connected the center of my hand with that title page. That instinct that had been rising up inside me had me reaching out and laying my palm directly on the page. At once the words and images began to move and shift on the page. Twisting and writhing, the letters themselves rose off the pages and swirled into the air around me, glowing gold as they shimmered through the air. The words twisted themselves into shapes and images of strange creatures, beautiful places I had never seen. The words poured out of the book enacting stories and, rising off the page, was the creature I had seen on the laneway. A gold illustration of exactly what I had seen swirled around me, moving just like the real thing. I knew it was real. The book was glowing brighter now and a heat was rising through my palm. I was beginning to shake. I couldn’t lift my hand. The book was humming, I could see the power flowing between us. I was beginning to panic, my hand firmly cemented to the page, the entire book immovable. That same instinct that had pushed me to touch the book came over me. I felt it guiding me. Close your eyes and release the book. I took a deep breath, attempting to quell the rising fear. Closing my eyes, I let the panic dissolve, and I felt that force within me flow down my arm neutralizing the power. I lifted my hand off the book. I opened my eyes. I was alone with the book, which was closed again, standing in the library. Part of me wanted to just put the book back and forget everything that had just happened, but I knew I couldn’t do that. I had been changed. From the moment I had seen that creature on the path, I felt different and unnerved. But, I had come here to find answers about the dreams, and maybe this book could help. I picked the book up off the table and I was suddenly looking at an entirely different world, the library was gone and I was standing at the edge of a forest. It looked out over a crystal clear lake with waterfalls pouring into the lake from various mountainside spots. The entire landscape before me seemed to sparkle as though I was seeing the full spectrum of color for the first time, and there were so many more colors. Birds sang in the distance, a natural music of sorts. There was movement in the distance. There were people near the edge of the lake. They looked like humans but subtly different, more vibrant than anyone I’d ever seen. They were radiant, light and energy moved around them extending their movements into the space around their bodies. Lifting my hands to my eyes to examine them, I was immediately back in the library. The meadow around me was gone. The connection was broken. Resting my hands carefully to either side of the book, I steadied myself against the table. Exhaling, I thought about the past week. I felt strange. Keeping secrets, meeting strangers, seeing creatures that shouldn’t exist. But the question was, where do I go from here? Staring at the book I realized that seeing the creature happened to me. Meeting James happened to me. But this book I had control of, I could choose this experience. I felt that instinct rustle inside. This book is yours.[1] I took a deep breath and picked it up off the table. Instantly I could feel it pulsing with power, and then a white hot spike of heat shot through my hand up to my forearm. I almost dropped the book, but the pain receded as fast as it came on. Turning for the door I quietly crossed the room. Back in the hallway the moonlight poured through the windows as I made my way back to my room with the book firmly in my hands.
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It had been three weeks since I had found the book. I had only taken it out once, a few nights after finding it. I discovered that the spot on my forearm that had felt burned that first night, now had a glittering intricate golden star that appeared when I touched the book. Not wanting another accidental tattoo, I kept the book safely tucked away in the bottom of my dresser. Even though I hadn’t touched the book again, my focus was even less on my lessons than it had been. Between nightly dreams and seeing James at the causeway almost every other evening, I was barely paying attention.
I was walking to the causeway but today James was waiting for me at the top of the path. “I thought if I met you here, we would have more time together.” he said with a grin and the words made my stomach twirl. He walked backwards, away from the hidden staircase. “Let’s walk along the cliff today, the beach continues on the other side of the cliff, it’s a longer stretch of shoreline.” I’d never walked beyond this beach before, but I’d always wanted to. Nodding, I fell into step beside him. He was so easy to be around. From the first day it was like I’d known him all my life. The trust that I had felt right away was only growing stronger. We reached the cliffs and passed them. An off shoot of the path angled toward this second beach. Unlike the path I knew, this path had a true staircase, with ancient steps carved out of the stone. The walls of the path were covered in motifs, that must have once been beautiful, but were now worn with age. Running my fingers along the carved wall I added, “These are so ornate for being so old.” James looked at me with a strange expression, “Yes, they are.” Was all that he said, as an expression of mild surprise crossed his features. The path appeared untouched, with moss growing around the edges of the stone steps. As we walked, I thought about all the stories these stones could tell about all who had ventured to these cliffs. Local legends said this entire coastline was dotted with spots imbued with some sort of power. One story from many centuries ago told of an entire village going missing. Now, I wondered how true the stories were. I thought about the golden book. There was some connection between the book and James, but I didn’t know what. I had planned to ask him about the book when it first happened, but I wasn’t sure what to say. When I was with him everything else faded away. The golden hour light glistened off his dark hair and his eyelashes were impossibly long. Everything about him seemed somehow heightened, as though he were more vibrant, more alive somehow. Just like the people in vision from the book. Lost in thought, I stumbled on a loose stone that was slick from the mist off the ocean. He reached out grabbing my elbow. When he touched me something stirred in the back of my mind, but before I could make sense of it, gold light was pouring from the space where his hand connected with my arm. If I thought the air between us was electric before, it paled in comparison to this. The light was now gleaming softly and connecting us, a thousand glowing strands of light swirling around the space where he was touching me. We looked at each other, neither of us sure what was happening. He slowly let his hand drop from my arm and the light flowing between us began to fade. He eyes met mine and I saw the same shock there that I felt. The connection couldn’t have lasted more than a moment, but the part of my skin where the golden light had touched me felt warm, like I was sitting in a pool of sunlight. The gold light was still slightly visible on his palm, it looked just like the petite golden star that had appeared on my forearm.
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Softly, suspended in the reverie of the moment, I asked, “What was that?”
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